THE SUBTERRANEAN HOMESICK NOOS » cycling

Hey, wanna ride bikes?

9 10 2009


My mouth is hanging open like an overhead bin on a turbulent flight, viagra sales sovaldi sale all slack and dumb and gobbing for air. I become aware of a pool of saliva hatching escape plans, viagra canada gathering near the tongue and waiting for the opportunity to drop over my lip.

I feel it begin to Rapunzel its way out.

Now, I was raised right and normally I’d not let something like that slide, least of all out of my mouth. But at this moment, with my lungs double bagging it and my heart rate techno-beating it, I don’t give a damn. I’m all, “Stand down, guards” and “Fly, be free, young spittle Padawan!”

Out it dribbles in a spectacular line of defeat, and I’m sure I hear it cry out “Tell Laura I love her” before continuing on to kiss my leg and be dashed on the road below me.

I can’t be bothered even reacting to it. Read the rest of this entry »



The stupid is as the stupid does

17 06 2007

There’s a point when I know I’ve gone too far with a Noos. It’s when my mother says the following:

“Well, best viagra clinic we can’t read that one to your Grandmother.”

Be warned, mind Grandma. This Noos involves nudity, medical alcohol and a paper penis.

Noodle’s mum: “Well, you can’t even show that to me.”

Never fear, Ma! I’m gonna dilute the whole sordid incident by crafting a verbal sleight of hand. I’ll weave two stories together, thus forming a nubile soup of sexiness and dullness. It’ll make two boring stories more exciting!

The start.

By now, you’ve grown accustomed to me and my relationship with The Stupid. The Stupid is a blanket term for my actions, thoughts and deeds. The Stupid things I do. The Stupid things I think. The Stupid things I agree to do before I think.

Today’s The Stupid involves me agreeing to ride 42 miles on a bicycle as part of the Five Boro Bike Tour. Despite the fact that I have never ridden that far in my life. Despite the fact that my bike has been hanging on my wall since last summer and both the tires are flat as tacks. Read the rest of this entry »






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